Thursday, February 28, 2008

In Memoriam - Tipsy Wonkersen

Tipsy Wonksersen was the man who unwittingly started last week's three-alarm fire at the Hotel Cadillac, but he was so much more than that.

Tipsy was a man who believed that composing music should take precedence over the nonsense of everyday life. It's no secret that he never bathed. He claimed to use deodorant, but we all knew it was just that "magic stone" kind from the hippie stores.

Tipsy would search for his muse in the shadows and back-alleys of Rochester -- the occasional abandoned automobile, the dumpsters behind The Brasserie. But he did more than just study the unfortunates. He believed in taking inspiration away from them and using his music to tell their stories. Imposing the rigor and formality of classical music onto their haphazard lives, Tipsy gave them a gift that only the astute composer can give -- the gift of a masterpiece!

From this day forward, the Hotel Cadillac will provide an annual Wonkersen Scholarship to support the costs of hiring an unpaid intern for my Composer Isolation Chamber.

Thank you, Tipsy, for all you've given us. It is a blessing that your music will live far beyond your mortal flesh.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Libertarians Unite!

As promised, I am posting an excerpt from the symphonic tone-poem I composed for Senator John McCain's presidential campaign. For the purposes of maintaining copyright infringement, I am using my original title, "Libertarians Unite!"

Click here to listen.

In this segment, one can hear the ominous dissonances of terrorism building to a crescendo which is then thwarted by the tip-toeing frolics of a liberal elite, represented by the flute. Fortunately, Senator McCain steps in before things get too pretty. He is represented by the percussion and the "When Johnny Comes Marching Home" theme in the brass.

As the piece progresses, Senator McCain allows Libertarians to live side by side as competitive individuals, enjoying the best of the best while leaving the rest to the rest. The Senator thanked me for the composition and recommended that I secure an Eastern European orchestra that would be willing to record the symphonic work if I can acquire $5,000 in the next five days.

That's where you come in! All you have to do is send a PayPal donation in the mail to

Prof. Heebie McJeebie
Hotel Cadillac
Room 469
45 Chestnut Street
Rochester, NY, 14604

Many thanks, dear readers!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

The Professor Returns

Patient Readers, I have returned to the blogosphere after a prolonged absence during which I served as Technology Consultant for John McCain's presidential campaign. Despite the protestations of my German role model -- the feminist-in-wolf's-clothing, William Osborne -- I chose to suspend my bloggership until all partisan political business subsided.

Next week, I will post the recording of McCain's presumptive, symphonic theme, composed by yours truly. The McCain campaign rejected my original title, "Libertarians Unite!," in favor of the more preemptive title, "A Symphonic Ode to the United States: We Shall Never Surrender."

In other news, I was not at the Hotel Cadillac during today's two-alarm fire, but I believe I know who was responsible. There's only one person who would run his air-conditioning unit during such inclimate weather. My colleague, Professor Tipsy Wonkersen -- most famous for his electronic composition that plays constantly near the Rochester waterfall -- sacrificed his life in order to keep his Casiophonic Water Organs in an always-frigid environment. May he rest in peace.